My boyfriend broke up with me today. We had been together for two and a half years. We'd had a few rocky moments in that time, mostly due to our different belief systems. (I'm a devout Catholic, and he didn't have much of a religious upbringing; Church was a Wedding and Funeral place.) Despite this, we were crazy about each other. If you watch a movie like the Notebook, where the main characters push each other's buttons, yet get along amazingly well, that would have been us. It wasn't always easy, but I loved him with all of my heart, and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. He was my best friend. He took care of me, encouraged my creativity and taught me a lot about love and life.
And now he's gone.
I know he had a hard time forgetting those few moments where we clashed horribly.
I chose to forget them, because I loved him too much to care about the issue forever.
He said something felt like it was missing at times.
I had a slight fear in the back of my mind that we'd clash too much to ever be married, yet I wanted to marry him so badly. I could picture it in my head so plainly.
I chose to just focus on how much he meant to me, and felt that love would work things out.
He didn't have that kind of faith, and felt maybe we were trying too hard, and love should come easier than this.
He wanted to take a little time apart to make things right, so for 3 days we had no contact.
This morning he came over, crying, saying he couldn't do this anymore.
I feel lost, angry, upset, hurt...But more than anything I miss my best friend. The one who would send me random text messages about nothing throughout the day. The one who loved to play with my dogs. The one who would pick me up from work. The one who believed in me. The one who felt so good to be held by. The one I loved, and still love with my whole heart and soul. The one I pictured myself with for the rest of my life.
I know I need to take life as an adventure. Maybe God has someone out there that wont clash with me so much. Maybe what I wanted and what I needed were two different things. All I know is that while he couldn't get the bad days out of his head, I can't help but think of all the good ones that have ended.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear that. The religious differences can definitely make things difficult. I had a somewhat similar situation with the last guy I dated, back in college. (Though I was the one to finally end it, after we'd been dating for 2 1/2 years. The hardest part for me, really, is that I haven't been in a relationship or even on a date since, and given the birthday I had over the weekend...yeah, it's been a long, single time.)
Take a few days to process--it's ok to be sad about it. And it's ok to miss the good days. It might take awhile to adjust to the new normal, and that's ok too. What helped me the most was surrounding myself with supportive friends, keeping myself busy with school (work in your case), and making sure I took time to do creative things. And chocolate, of course.
From what I've seen in getting to know you somewhat through our blogs, you're a really awesome girl, and this won't change that. Even if it does make things more painful for awhile. *hugs*
Thank you so much, Becky. It is difficult, but I know time will heal. Happy Birthday by the way! You have a lot to offer, and I'm sure the right guy will pop up eventually. Sadly, it really takes guys until they're 30's to grow up as I'm learning...
break ups are hard, I'm sorry Christina. :( What I know with all my heart is that God is totally and completely in control and he knows us better than we even know ourselves. He will bring the right person to you, I know it.
My husband and I broke up when we were dating--I was devastated. I really felt like we were meant to be. We were apart for about 5 months. Then we got back together and I was SO CONFUSED! I thought God wanted us to break up...and now it really felt like He wanted us back together. I was confused but I knew it was right and it was what God wanted. He had confirmed this in prayer. So God healed us and restored our relationship...and we are married now.
So, what I am saying is you never know what God has planned -- I try hard to stop myself from trying to figure it out so much, because we will often tell ourselves that God wants what WE want. We always think we know whats best, but when you wait on the Lord and listen to Him, it always works out for the best. It is so hard to give up control but you can do it. You will be happier and have a deeper relationship with Him. :) Yes, surround yourself with your family and friends. And write a journal, take up a new craft, use this time to grow. :) *hug*
Post a Comment